Maybe we were all true at the very start. But we hide the parts of ourselves that gets hurt and hurts our love ones, and replace them with something stronger and “better” so it’d be “right”. We do it because we care. But because we love so so much, in the end, there are so few things left of us. Isn’t it the biggest irony in life that we lose what we care about because we care too much?

Why can’t we talk it over? We used to talk about everything, and share all the pain and joy.

I know I lack skills to explain myself or even to speak in general. It always takes me so long to think of the right way and words to say what is on my mind. Then with my mess of a mind, I just can’t seem to tell you exactly what it is that I feel, because I don’t quite understand either. So I try, too hard. I explained, too much, only too make everything worse. All the things I do and didn’t do…

Maybe the distance plays a big part as well. Space and time, the two most powerful forces, can put anything to the test. I can’t help to feel that most of my friendships have failed. I really want to know if I try too hard or not enough for me to get to this point – alone, with no one but occasional strangers in the virtual world to share stories with.

Even though it’s just so hard to believe now… I hope I am only messing with my own head. I hope I haven’t lost all the people that I feel I have lost. I hope it’s just me that need to have more faith in the people I love. I hope it’s all in my head like so many things are.

So another crazy thing I do, as always, I leave traces of breadcrumbs and sometimes plain signs to tell you exactly where I am. Sometimes you just need to look…


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