letter

Dear Celicia,

I have been wanting to tell you something. After quite some thoughts, I decided to write it down on paper and send it to you as a letter, so the words would be more organized and the weight of the message can just stay on the pages.

I thought it would be complicated and difficult. But as I started writing things down, it came to me that it is just a simple thought, a simple feeling… And I want to share it with you.

I think it’s simple as how I enjoy every second spent with you. Even when I run out of things to say or simply blank out, there’s no awkward silence between us – just the sound of the space between planets – quietly connected by gravity. I simply enjoy your presence.

I like how you know me, understand me and see me like no others. I like that you laugh at my jokes and understand most of them, which can be quite challenging for most people because sometimes I just don’t make sense.

When I am not with you, I still see you everywhere. I subconsciously relate you to everything that happens in my life. I think about you. When I am cold, I wonder if you are warm. When I am hungry, I wonder if you are eating well. When I don’t feel so well, I wonder if you are healthy.

I want to hear about your day and everything happening in your life. I want to tell you mine too – even the little things, the little joy. And sometimes, I just want to hear from you. I find the smallest things to share with you. When I do that, my average day seems magical because you are then a part of it.

I want to be by your side. Help you when you are in need and catch you when you fall. Hearing you are sick or down, I want to be there to take care of you and keep you company.

“The truth is I rather do nothing with you than do something with someone.” I find this quote quite true to describe how I feel.

I am in love with you, Celicia. And I enjoy loving you. It’s quite a sweet feeling, and it fills up my heart like I need nothing else.

Kimberley’s story encouraged me quite a bit. She and her fiance had a 3-year long-distance relationship. From the very beginning, they kept in touch through various communication tools. They barely saw each other in person in those years, yet they are now getting married. It makes me want to believe in something.

I want to be by your side. And I do, I want to make it my goal – to be closer you, to be there with you. And yes, I still want to ask you to go to that wedding with me, so I can spend more time with you and explore the cities of Malaysia together.

Please, don’t feel obligated to reply or do anything. I know this can be a heavy and frustrating thing to deal with so you don’t have to pick it up if you don’t want to. Leave the weight on the pages. Whatever I am to you  and whatever you do, I will love you the same.

While I still can, I just want to share this feeling with you. I am happy to have you in my life. And that’s all I really need. I just want to share with you the joy and love that I get from you. You are such a wonderful soul to keep in my heart.

And if I ever lose all of my memory and forget about you, I want to meet you and fall in love with you again. I’d like that.

I love you and always will.

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