simply journal

I am troubled. The problem of having a heart full of another soul… I live with a hole in my chest on my own.

As I wait for an answer, my life seems to have come to a halt. It appears that at this moment, she and her answers are all that matters to me. Sometimes I wonder what I can do about it. Bring her flowers onto her door steps, sing her songs, send her cards, cook her a meal… all the traditional romantic gestures seem so difficult as I am now thousands of miles away.

“… remind them while we wait we may all work, so that these hard days need not be wasted…”

– Little Women

If she says no, I wish she would crush my heart to dust and blow it away. I won’t find it again. I don’t want to find it again, or else I know I won’t give up.

It’s all too early to say, isn’t it? I know if she says yes, I will be the happiest person in the world. So maybe that is what I need to do – work. So if she is to take my heart, I will not have wasted time… to be closer to her somehow.

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