I realized how terribly I have misled myself into a depression over certain hopelessness.
The fact that I am physically distanced from her often make me feel like I am, in fact, so far away. How I can’t be in her life as much as I would like to be makes me jealous of all that around her, and it often leads to self-loathing state that depresses me very much. What a terrible feeling it is – the jealousy and the depression… It’s an obsession, really.
But this morning, I was so happy to have made her laugh. I could almost see her smile, and that brought me the greatest joy. So pumped for the entire day. Then I realized – that is all I really need. Sincerely, however stupid and cliche it may sound, I am happy when she is. So that’s what I want to do, make her happy… It’s simple, really.